On me thinking

I woke up with my throat so itchy this morning. I was suppose to go to work but I just don't have the motivation to. And besides, I'm nearly expired. I didn't get much rest and sleep yesterday kasi paguwi dito, few hours lang, I had to prepare na going to the dinner/party in QC for the reunion chuva ng mga relatives ko sa Father's side. Weird nga e. Pinsan ko, batch ni Dadi.. Pamangkin ko.. er.. I think that is how we are related, batch ko.. and by Goodness.. Gwapito ang mokong. Ugh!

On me with my past life

Yah.. I still have communication with my former significant other. Casual .. or atleast I'm still trying to be. Four years and so is not a joke. I must say, may friendship naman na nabuo dun e. I just cringe with the knowledge that they now do the things we used to do. I just want to vomit with the idea. Literal. My stomach turns. Well.. kung mahal nya e. Bahala na si batman. Pro now.. mejo carry ko na ung thought. Its bound to happen din naman someday e. Nagulat lang ako. Pikon pa man din ako pag nagugulat. I still am not giving my blessing tho. Siguro saka na.

On me with work

Crush ko si Earl. Haha! Wala lang. Gusto ko lang i-declare na crush ko sha. Oeniway, Jc is fast becoming an issue to me and literal, its scary to think of. Kabit lang ako e. Yep..that is the story, plain and simple. Its usually not an issue to me with arrangements like this pero..  I think something in me feels so wrong with the whole idea. If its just going to be a spur of the moment thing, lets just say I'm starting to collect the moments which is so not acceptable. Much as I want to live with just like that.. admittedly, Hindi ko pa kaya.

On me with what I want

I want to go Ballroom dancing. Yes, this idea has always been at the back of my mind. Nagising na lang ulit last night sa party cz old couples danced so gracefully on the floor. I'll find a right dancing partner someday. For now, I'm in it for the dance. And Bart, wala akong pakialam kung palagay mo e pangmatrona un. I'd rather go with old people's company and acquire wisdom there than stay with young drinking and smoking and struggling young ones.

On me with finding myself

Uhuh.. praning pa din ako with that. I am still into resisting picking up that chanting beads and start to go back to my meditation. Be lost in the mantra. Also, I want to find time to go back to my former band. Yes they so want me back with them, ayoko lang na magccause nanaman ako ng war just like the last time. And again, I'm there for the love of music. Ugh.. Music.. its been a while since I heard music. Last night, there was a band. I wasn't really impressed. But I'm not accustomed to being just an audience. Or maybe, its just a period of my turn to listen and watch life flow.

On me changing

Not a whiner. Primarily because no one would tolerate that anymore. Haha! I used to have a lot of say on things. Just now that I stopped and was forced to lay back and hold. So much that I wanted to share everything with my Dad, uhh..maybe someday. The most sane person that I feel so at ease with.

On me moving on

I'm taking the first step. I'm 23. That's a fact. With all I've been through, I'm expecting less mistakes this time. I'm not setting standards with myself, Its just that, I am. Haha! Emotionally worn out, I'm just rejuvinating. There really is no sense of holding on to something gone. If its just going to be the ghosts of my past who bothers me on my quiet hour, let that quiet hour remain quiet. Just between me and myself, I don't think I would want that to trip me along the way. These has been the foundation of my past who made me who I am now.

On me rationalizing things

I know I'm putting everything into writing now, I'm bound to break a few someday..I just know that no one will judge me. Even if they do, I. Dont. Care.

I will be back in a better condition. I just know that.